so I can love you more.
so I can give you more hugs and kisses.
so I can tell you how precious you are to me.
every. single. day.
until you're gone.
I miss you, baby. I miss you, my love.
I miss you so much, so damn much, I don't see my future in your absence. If I could beg the stars and kneel to the universe, I'd do it millions of times, if that would bring you back to me. I wish I had you here. I would give half of my life if that could guarantee me one more day with you. Fuck, I'd give all my life for you to be able to walk this earth. I don't need to be there, because I know you'd survive without me, but on the other hand, I'd never survive without you.
Hell...
I don't even know how I am currently doing it.
Your unconditional love held me together, and I took it for granted. I took every single day with you with the arrogance of a spoiled child, because I genuinely thought you'd stay with me until we both leave this world crippled and old.
And now I'm here alone. In the crushing silence of regret, wallowing in the tears of unhealable loss and unsurvivable pain. I miss you so much, it physically kills me. I wish I could be gone, instead of you, I wish I had taken all this pain in and left.
I miss you, my heart, my love, my baby.
I'm so sorry for everything.
It's been 3 months, three fucking excruciating months of nothingness. My life has been divided in half, and I am still not ready to face the reality of you not being with me. People always romanticize the concept of soulmates being human, growing separately, but at some point in life attracting themselves during some sort of magical divine bs timing. And like cartoonish sparkles, boom, it's happening.
But it's truly all bullshit.
My soulmate is you, my baby.
My beautiful, smart, my lovely Luna.
My heart, my stars, my sunshine, my warmth, my soul. If only I knew that we had no more than four years, I'd love you so much that I would die with you, so we could decompose and become nothingness together. I don't need love or understanding from anyone else, because it doesn't matter.
None of it matters because you're missing. All I have is an empty shell of a heart and a desire to come for myself for not being there when you needed me the most. Every night I close my eyes and I wish I could see you in my dreams, I wish I could feel your warmth. I wish I could give you more kisses and more scritches, show you my love, and how thankful I am for you choosing me.
I am choosing you in any lifetime, Luna. I hope you know and feel how much I love you.
I want you back. If not, please take me. I miss you so much.
