although ive considered it many times before, i dont think i'd be able to kill myself and end my life.

theres way too many books i have not read and people i have not met and stories i have not heard for me to stop here.

there are too many memories i have not made yet and places i need to visit. there are too many canvas' i have not painted and shows i have not seen, jokes i have not heard and songs i havent danced to. also there are people i haven't met, that could be important to me. i dont want to throw the rest of my life away over a few bad years.

<< i know now, that you didnt want to hear from me

but when i called to wish you a happy birthday,

you picked up anyway

and you listened to what i had to say

no matter how insignificant

i held the phone pressed against my ear

and i felt your smile on the other end

at least i hoped it was there

why'd you stay on the line?

you didnt care to meet my cat

or hear my laugh

all while you sat there

puzzled,

out of place,

perplexed,

just as i had left you

the way i shouldnt have

the way no one deserves to be left

especially you, beloved

and you still opened you arms for me

why?

we never did do things right between us

but its only ever felt right with you

forgive me.

perhaps we will unite when we are both ready

i hope you think of me too

ill always yearn for you

angel baby >>