___

I feel pain. Or rather numbness. Somewhere deep. This pain is so deep inside it becomes numb on the way outside.

I have no words anymore. I have nothing to say. I feel like I'm just standing on one place. Frozen. Before, my thoughts or words would help. But not anymore. I have none of those.

I don't know how to help myself. How to unfreeze, how to heal this pain.

The head is wierdly empty. It's just raw pain. But again, not sharp as before. When i couldn't breathe and was grasping for air. No, i even cry in total silence. The tears just roll down the cheeks.

I don't know what's happening with me anymore. Where am i. In depression or not. I don't laugh anymore when i cry. So maybe it's an improvement. But i don't like that i have no way of expressing my feeling apart from mute tears. No thoughts, no words, no actions.

Hug